Tuesday, May 3, 2011

New blog home reminder!

Please remember to go to my new blog and subscribe to that one now. I'm no longer updating this one and I don't want to lose my lovely readers! Thanks!

Friday, April 8, 2011

New blog home!

Since I'm no longer "TTC Baby C" I decided to make a new blog. Please visit it at:


Our little "green olive" - 9w2d update.

So today was our second-to-last appointment. I found out I will graduate for sure at 10 weeks, which will be next Wednesday, 4/13.

Today our baby's heartbeat was at 177 beats per minute. And the baby dated exactly 9 weeks 2 days today - right on track. I'm not even sure how big it really is right now but according to my ticker on thebump.com it's the size of a green olive. My progesterone is 15 and I have to take the Endometrin suppositories until I'm 11 weeks.

I had a consultation with a midwife on Tuesday. For the most part it went well but I found out that since my BMI is over 30 I cannot give birth at her birthing center (or at home for that matter). But she reassured me and said that my birth at the hospital she delivers at will feel very similar to a birth at the birthing center. She will provide labor support and she will be there (well, she or the other midwife in her practice) and the baby will stay with me from the moment he/she is born. It will be delivered and placed on my stomach and won't be taken to the nursery or elsewhere unless there is a problem. The nurses won't bottle feed our baby. She said lots of things that made me feel good. I was pretty upset though that I can't deliver in a homelike setting because I'm too "fat." But I know the important thing is a healthy baby and I don't want to jeopardize my baby's safety even though I don't feel being overweight and having no other risk factors really SHOULD make me high-risk but I'm not going to argue that point.

Friday, April 1, 2011

Thought it was our last RE appointment!

I thought today was my last RE appointment and I was feeling sad that I wouldn't get to "see" my baby again for another 10-12 weeks but Dr. Cool said, "See you in a week." Yippee!!

My progesterone is 14 still. The heartbeat was 170 beats per minute. And the baby (raspberry sized now) was upside down. It is much bigger than last week but still doesn't look *that* much like a baby. :) We also saw the umbilical cord which was just so cool!

Today our baby measured as 8 weeks, 3 days. That would line up with what I originally thought was my due date (11/8), the date that was almost our wedding date (but we wound up getting married a few weeks earlier in October). This is the third time it's been "off."

I have a consultation on Tuesday with a midwife at a birthing center. I hope she will take my case on and not as "high risk." If I'm high risk I would need to have a planned hospital birth at a hospital she's affiliated with which is hardly the one closest to my house. There are (at least) three others closer to my house with better reputations. So I won't be making any decisions until then. We'll see what happens.

Saturday, March 26, 2011

7w1d update

I'm once again behind on updating this.

I had blood work and ultrasound done on Thursday when I was 7 weeks 1 day pregnant. My husband came to this one and he got to hear the heartbeat for the first time. It was my second time hearing it and it was 144 beats per minute. I was with Dr. Cool this time and when he first came into the room he seemed very concerned and caring and asked how I was and if there had been any more bleeding since Sunday and I told him no.

The baby measured at 6w6d. One other time it was 1 day behind and now it was 2 days behind but they are not changing my due date over it. Besides I know I conceived on either 2/14 or 2/16 and this due date is based on the 2/16 conception and that is the latter of the two.

My progesterone was 14. It is almost a pattern now - 16, 12, 13, 16, 12, 14.

I don't go back again until next Friday which will be 8 weeks 2 days. I believe that will be my last day and Dr. Cool said my homework is to figure out who will be delivering our baby. Yikes. I'm still so undecided!

My symptoms are still mostly fatigue and breast tenderness. I also wonder if I've had rhinitis of pregnancy. I've felt phlegm-y and nasally this entire month. I used my neti pot today and I haven't had that problem. I have to remember to use that every day.

Monday, March 21, 2011

All is well! 6w5d

Great news - the bleeding had stopped before bed and also there was no fresh blood this morning so I felt better just from that but I got reassurance in a bigger way... I called the doctor's office first thing this morning and they fit me in at 8:00 a.m. I got there a few minutes early and was taken right back. I was holding my breath but then there on the ultrasound monitor was the baby and there was the flickering heartbeat. I even got to hear the heartbeat today. It was amazing and going strong at 178 beats per minute. Ba-bump, ba-bump, ba-bump! I got a huge grin after that! Of all days for my hubby not to make it, this had to be it!

Dr. Wonderful was so funny. He said, "Cute kid, great heartbeat!" Here I thought I was the only one who thought that little 1/5" creature was adorable. :)

So for me there will be no heavy lifting or fun times with my hubby for a bit. Yay to the first, boo to the second! But everything looked great.

And they called later with my numbers. hCG is now up to 12,629 and progesterone is at 12. It seems to be a pattern now - 16, 12, 13, 16, 12...

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Friday's appointment (6w2d) & a scare (6w4d)!

So I'm way behind on updating my blog.

We had an appointment on Friday at 6 weeks 2 days. We got to see the tiniest flicker of a heartbeat! I really struggled to see it but Dr. Cool said it was there and my hubby says he saw it. The baby also grew so much. The doctor said the following week it would look like a string bean and then at 8 weeks you'd really be able to see it looked like a baby. I cannot wait for then although each one is just incredible.

They didn't do hCG for me (not sure why) but they did progesterone and it was at 16 so it went back up which is good.

Today my hubby and I were, ahem, intimate for the first time in awhile and afterwards I had some spotting on and off today. I'm worried out of my mind! I called the after hours number and Dr. Cool called me within a minute. He doesn't feel there is anything to be concerned about since everything up to this point has been progressing so well but he said so he can try to get an explanation for me to call in the morning and get an appointment for tomorrow morning for an ultrasound. I seriously wanted to drive myself to the ER to get an ultrasound NOW because I don't think I'll be able to sleep tonight with all the worrying. Last time I checked it was back to no bleeding so I pray it stays that way and then I pray I'll get some reassurance tomorrow. There are lots of prayers going up right now.

It's a funny thing - all along I thought Dr. Wonderful was my doctor. He was the one I originally went to back in 2009. He diagnosed me with PCOS. He is the one who told me I could take Clomid and then when I expressed concerns about that, told me I could do Femara instead. He sent me for an HSG and my hubby for his semen analysis. The day I actually went in to get started on Femara though he was on vacation so I saw Dr. Cool and somehow he became the "owner" of my chart even though while I was there he relied on the other doctor's notes to figure out what to give me. I did not know this for the longest time. Every time I went in I circled Dr. Wonderful's name on the sign-in sheet. I always thought it was odd that the nurses would say they'd talk to the other doctor when I called with any questions and that time in my January cycle when Dr. Wonderful said he'd talk to Dr. Cool but he thought Dr. Cool would end it with Provera. I just figured maybe he was the head doctor. When I was there at 5w Dr. Wonderful made a comment about how I saw him more than Dr. Cool and I said, "Well, you are my doctor." He didn't really explain what he meant though and I started wondering if HE thought he wasn't my doctor. Finally when I was there at 5w2d I asked the nurse who she had listed as my doctor and she told me it was Dr. Cool so I told her how confused I was and she thought it was so funny and laughed and laughed. They are both wonderful doctors so it doesn't matter but I hate any type of confusion! I do wind up saying Dr. Wonderful much more often though. In all the times I've been there I only ever saw Dr. Cool four times and two of them were the last two times I was there.

I'll update again tomorrow, I hope with good news!

Friday, March 11, 2011

Quick update

Today's hCG levels are up to 1644. It wasn't *quite* doubled but very close. To double it would have been at 1666 so I'll take it! I don't think 48 hours doubling is a hard-and-fast rule. I've heard 55 hours too.

Progesterone was up to 13 today.

And my hubby swore during the ultrasound the sac was bigger. When he said it the doctor (Dr. Cool) looked in my chart and confirmed that it was larger today. He said he could see a bit of a yolk sac too. We are going back next Friday and he said that is when we could probably see the heartbeat! Yippee!

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Third beta & first post-BFP ultrasound.

The week is finally up! I had my blood work and ultrasound at 8:00 a.m. today. I had my blood work and then my ultrasound. Before the doctor started the ultrasound he warned me we may see nothing. But then we saw the black spot on the screen. He said he was pleasantly surprised. He told me that I'm exactly five weeks today and due November 9. I really think my due date is November 8 but I'm going to let it go. :)

The nurse called later to say my hCG is at 833 and she said that was great. My progesterone is 12. She said nothing about it but I know it dropped from 16 last week. Hmmmm. The nurse simply said to continue taking progesterone suppositories and they'd like to see me back in two days.

They gave my husband and me pictures of the ultrasound to bring home. Of course, they did not scan well. :( I could see the dot on the screen, I can see it on the print-out, but on the scanned image I see almost nothing.

Oh, well, I'm off to bed. I'm still exhausted. This is my main symptom still - that and the tender breasts. Other than that, I'm feeling pretty good. I have cramps on and off but they're not that intense. I've had no spotting and only one day of nausea and I suspect now that it may have had to do with my dry eye problems rather than morning sickness.

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Quick update...second beta!

I'm super tired but I wanted to update this before I went to bed.

I had blood drawn today, 48 hours after the last one. The last one showed my hCG levels as being 21. They were worried it was low and were saying they like it at 100. However, I was not even 4 weeks at that point. I was just 4 weeks yesterday or today. So I went back today and was just looking for it to double...and it did! After a long tense day I found out my hCG is now at 47 and my progesterone was at 16.

I got a new prescription for Endometrin, the progesterone suppositories I've been taking since 3 days after the IUI. If all goes well, I'll be taking those until approximately the end of the 10th week.

The nurses and office staff really had me stressing today. I decided I'm not going to stress though unless there is something wrong. And right now my numbers have doubled and I certainly still have the same symptoms (acne and sore boobs!) so I think things are going well.

Monday, February 28, 2011

It's official!

My hubby and I stopped at the pharmacy last night where I bought a two-pack of Clearblue digital pregnancy tests, the ones that don't have lines but "pregnant or "not pregnant." He was more apt to believe that and even more so if heard from the doctor.

I took the CB test and it said "Pregnant"! I called my doctor's office and told them I had two positive tests and they said I could come in today. So I went in and got the blood test done. First they told me they were looking for the number to be 100 but then they saw I was "early." The nurses couldn't believe I even got a positive test already and wanted to know which brand I used. I actually used both.

They called back later and said my numbers were 21 and that was positive but they wanted to see it at 100 but it was OK mine was lower since it's early yet. I'm going back to be retested 48 hours after the first one.

In the meanwhile I get to gaze at these two beauties. My hubby got a nice clear picture for me.

It still hasn't sunk in yet. I suppose it'll take awhile for me to "feel" pregnant. Right now I feel perfectly normal except my breasts are tender (but not really any more so than they'd be before my period) and I have cystic acne. I look like a teenager! It's awful, awful acne and I hope it clears up soon. But it's all for a good cause. I hope my little bean sticks and I get to meet him or her in November! I feel confident it's a boy and my hubby is insisting it's a girl. The funny thing I truly don't care and for years I thought I'd want a girl. Now that I'm actually pregnant I just do not care. I'm so excited at the thought of meeting and holding and caring for this baby.

Sunday, February 27, 2011

I never thought I'd get to say these words...I AM PREGNANT!!

I took a test two days ago, ten days past ovulation, and it was negative. Lots of people told me it was early yet and I knew that but in my head I just knew I wasn't pregnant. Well, much to my surprise this morning, the First Response Early Result came up with a second line!


I haven't even told my husband yet. It hasn't quite sunk in yet! I am not sure if I want to tell him by just spilling it or with the idea I had months ago - to buy a little baby shirt from the MLB team we love and wrap it for him with a note (not exactly sure what the note will say but it will be addressed to Daddy and signed by the baby).

Monday, February 21, 2011

Trigger shot is out of my system.

The trigger shot is out of my system as of today, 7 days past trigger, which means my HPT was negative today. It was technically about 6.5 days past and it could have even been sooner but I hadn't tested since 2 or 3 days ago. I tested this morning and there wasn't even a smidgen of color on the test line.

I really feel as if today, as the last day I got a positive from the trigger, is the last time I'm seeing a positive for a long time. I'm not sure if I'm being negative or realistic but I really don't feel pregnant and while I'm still hoping and praying I am, I don't think that I am and am trying to prepare myself for that.

My test at the doctor's office is a week from tomorrow morning. I really don't want to go because that could be the end of any hope. I'm thinking I'll probably test on an HPT before I even go there just so I'm not sitting on pins and needles all day waiting for the blood test results. (At least, I'm assuming it will be a blood test.)

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

First (and only?) IUI!

I slept so poorly last night! I am coming down with another cold I think, as I've had a horrible cough since Monday night. I was just sick five weeks ago so of course this feels too soon to have caught another cold. Plus I was so worried we'd oversleep that I did not sleep well. I was up almost every hour I think. Ugh.

This morning I had to satisfy my POAS urges and as soon as I woke up I did a pregnancy test and an ovulation test. The pregnancy test was faint and the ovulation test was very dark. I had a box of Clearblue Easy digitals (with the smiley face indicating LH surge) in the linen closet so I decided to use one of those too just so I could get a smiley face for once! It came up positive too. I wonder if this is as dark as the pregnancy tests will get before they go negative again. I guess I'll find out in the next few days.

Then after my shower I had to get my hubby up so we could get ready to go to our IUI. He had to produce a sample within an hour of our arrival and we were due to arrive at 8:00 a.m. He was ready in that regard by 7:32 but still had to shower and I still had to dry my hair and put on my makeup and get dressed. We wound up not leaving the house til 8:02. I was freaking out. We arrived at 8:07 and they took his sample but didn't call us back for about a half hour. The nurse asked if we'd ever done this before and we told her no and she said she hoped this was our only time and she explained the procedure and also explained that the doctor prescribed Endometrin (progesterone suppository) for me that I'll take for two weeks. She gave me the prescription and a starter kit. Then the doctor came in. The IUI was over pretty quickly. He told me it was his easiest one this week and he told my hubby that his "boys were beautiful."

I know this has only a 15% chance of working but I am hopeful anyway. I'm trying to stay balanced. There are moments where I think there is no way it will work. And other moments where I'm so hopeful. I pray this actually works but that if it doesn't, I can handle it OK and not become an emotional wreck.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

POAS addict!

I took an Answer OPK to work today. I was so desperate to see a positive OPK. It had been months and months (5 or 6?). Well, the darn test must have been defective because the control line never even showed up.

So a few hours later I was home and did an OPK and an HPT. I think both of them were positive. How funny is that? The OPK was very obviously positive. Hallelujah. And I'm not sure on the HPT. I think it was very faintly positive so that will be my day 1 of "testing out my trigger." Since the Ovidrel trigger shot makes HPTs positive and it varies for each person how long it takes for the trigger to be out of the system many women "test out the trigger" and since I just love POAS I decided to do that. So I'll test every day or every other day until I get a negative. And then if...when...if I get a positive I'll know it's real and not left over from the trigger! My doctor did not tell me to do that but I want to know.

See how purty a positive is??

Monday, February 14, 2011

Happy Valentine's Day, a day of good news for us!

We went back to the RE's office this morning, where the nurse was able to get blood on the first try. Whew. Then during the ultrasound the doctor told me I had large follicles on both ovaries. One of them was measuring about 19x22! (I still think one of them is a cyst but whatever.) So he told me to do the Ovidrel trigger tonight and schedule insemination for Wednesday morning. After last month's abysmal failure I never thought I'd get to this point. I was grinning from ear to ear when I walked out of that office.

My hubby made a lovely lobster dinner for Valentine's Day. For the last few years we haven't made a big deal out of the holiday and this year was no different. We just had a quiet dinner at home and exchanged cards and hubby gave me my Ovidrel shot which was anti-climatic. It was way easier than I thought it would be. The needle was small and thin and I barely felt it going in. I hope it does what it's supposed to do.

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Day 15 update!

I have been so anxious about this day since Thursday now. I have been feeling some major stuff going on in the ovary region the past few days and started panicking that I'd ovulate before I have a chance to get the IUI.

I slept poorly last night. I did not want a repeat of the last time we had to ride to the RE's only location open on the weekends (which is about 30 minutes away). Last time we overslept so this time I kept waking up and falling back asleep when I saw it was still hours away. Finally I just got up at 7:40, took my temp, and got my shower. My appointment wasn't til 9:45 a.m. but I was so anxious and nervous I decided to just stay up.

I had even more issues with the blood draw. I had a nurse I never met before who tried both arms and got nothing but sure had fun wiggling the needle around in there. I'm going to be covered in bruises since I still have bruises left over from Thursday, day 12. She got another nurse to step in who finally got some from my right hand. She told me the same thing the nurse told me on day 4, that they should just get it from my hand. She feels it hurts more from the hand (and I'm inclined to agree) but she taught me a trick to exhale right as the needle goes in and it doesn't hurt nearly as much. But last time (day 12) I did tell them to go for the hands and that nurse did BOTH hands and got NO blood and finally another nurse was successful with the arm. So last time and this time I walked out with three bandaged sites. This is getting to be so stressful. I start panicking that they are getting no blood, not to mention it's very uncomfortable with them digging the needles around in my arm hunting for a juicy vein.

Then I was taken back to an ultrasound room and I met the last doctor in the practice. He was really super nice and he made me feel comfortable, was even joking with us and he made me laugh. I'm going to call him Dr. Jovial for now. He is the doctor our friends did not like so I was nervous to meet him but we really liked him. Of course, he is not in charge of our case and we don't have to worry that he will time our IUIs wrong (like they feel he did to theirs) and all I was doing was getting an ultrasound with him. He said my lining looked good at 9 mm. My right ovary now has a follicle that is 16x18 with a mean of 17 mm. And on the left I think he was looking at my cyst but said there was a follicle that was 19 mm. I'm pretty sure that was the cyst but the one on the right is still growing nicely. He said that I might be ready to trigger tonight! I had to wait for blood work results though.

My husband and I went and killed some time in a Starbucks and then went to lunch at a place my hubby wanted to try near the doctor's office. The nurse called while we were eating and said my estrogen is now 130 (wow!), progesterone is 0.2, and LH is 7.5. They want me back in tomorrow ("No!" my veins scream in terror!) for more blood work and an ultrasound, which now pushes my Ovidrel back to tomorrow night at the earliest with an IUI for Wednesday morning at the earliest. DH is excited because he read an article on Time magazine's web site that babies conceived on the 18th of this month will have a due date of 11/11/11 and he thinks that is cool. I think it is cool too but I can't put any more pressure on myself. :) I know that less than 5% of babies are born on their due dates anyway so if I manage to ovulate and conceive this week I'd have as good a chance of having an 11/11/11 baby no matter which day it is. But I have to remember just ovulating will be a good thing since I haven't since early September.

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Second Femara cycle - Day 12 results.

Today was my day 12 appointment with the RE for my second cycle of Femara.

When I was there on day 4, the nurse told me, after taking several stabs at getting blood from my inner elbow, to say from now on they should just take the blood from my hand. So today I told the nurse (a different one) to take the blood from my hand. She tried my right hand. No blood. She tried my left hand. No blood. She was starting to sweat literally. I could tell how frustrated she was and I felt like a human pincushion! So they decided to go ahead with my ultrasound. I drank two glasses of water while waiting for the doctor and then when I was done I was able to get blood drawn - from my inner elbow - by a different nurse. After all that!! Ha ha.

Dr. Wonderful wasn't there today but Dr. Cool was. He said that my lining was still thin but my right ovary had a lead follicle that was 14 mm. The nurse said it was 15x13. He said it should be ready in a few days. I had to wait for my blood results though before I knew for sure what they were doing.

So the nurse just called about an hour ago. I was in a meeting so I couldn't take her call but she left a message saying they want me back on Sunday for more blood work and an ultrasound and she promises she won't be drawing my blood. Ha ha. Estrogen is at 55 and LH is at 10.

Sunday, February 6, 2011

I don't often post twice in one day but...

...I really needed to vent and didn't have the guts to say what I'm thinking to anyone's face.

First off, we went to our friends' for the Super Bowl. This is my husband's good friend and his wife. They were the ones I wrote about awhile ago who were going through fertility treatments and then got pregnant while on a break from the treatments. I wrote how I cried and was happy at the same time when I found out. Well, tonight I am realizing it's going to be harder and harder to be around her. Her husband has a bunch of baseball tickets and he asked my husband to go with him one night in June because his wife is due in June and doesn't want to go (understandable). So then he asked if I could do him a favor and while he is at the game with my husband if I could stay with his wife in case she goes into labor. So basically I'll be baby-sitting the pregnant lady.

Then I come home from there and log onto Facebook and an acquaintance of mine wrote "Feeling a bit blue. Sometimes it's really hard being a mom." And I get that. I really do. But I wanted so badly to comment (but would never have the guts), "Sometimes it's really hard not being a mom when it seems every woman around me is a mom or will soon be a mom." Aarrgghh. Then another acquaintance is using a new app called Little One Pregnancy Calendar. That came up in my News Feed. On days like this I wonder why I have a Facebook page. I guess I'm a glutton for punishment!

I just needed to vent and get this out. I hate being this jealous person. I wonder when it will be my turn. I turn 32 this month and I guess it is really getting to me that I'm not even pregnant yet.

This too shall pass. I must keep reminding myself.

Second Femara cycle update

I can't believe I'm on day 8 already of this cycle, which means tonight will be the last night I take Femara! I did something that had me in sort of a panic. I started the Femara on Wednesday (day 4) and took it before bed. Thursday we had no power (ongoing problem here since October - but that's another story) and I also was picking up my "new" car that day. So it was hectic evening because when we got to the car dealer my hubby went over it with a fine-toothed comb and then they eventually had to rewash it because it was kind of dirty and it was hard to see if there were scrapes or scratches and they guarantee none. It is a used car place that sells late models with low mileage in good condition. We got out of there after 8:00 p.m. Then because we had no power (and everything in our house is electric including the heat and the stove/oven) we had to go get something for dinner. We came home and still had no power and called the electric company again (hubby had called earlier) and they said they'd send someone out so we waited and waited. It was freezing in our house. But they never came. I finally got tired of waiting and went up to bed and totally crashed. I never took my Femara (day 5, day 2 of Femara) so I took it in the morning when I remembered. Then I was petrified that I screwed up the cycle. I decided to just keep taking it at night so technically I took it twice on day 6 and not at all on day 5.

I posted on SoulCysters about it (yay! SC is back!) and several women pointed out to me that I DID respond to 2.5 mg of Femara but just not well enough (and they also said since I took my missed dose within 24 hours I should be OK). So that made me feel better. All this time I'm thinking 12 mm means I did not respond. So I'm back to thinking positively! I did respond and now having twice the Femara might make me respond a bit better. I hope I get to the point of Ovidrel and IUI this time! I want to get something out of this cycle!

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Will 5 mg of Femara do the trick? Fingers are crossed!

I'm on day 4 of my second cycle with the RE. I had an 8:00 appointment today for baseline ultrasound and blood work. We were expecting some really icy weather conditions today. I woke up around 6:30 and called the inclement weather line for my work and heard we were opening at 10:00, which told me it must be pretty bad outside. So I went back to sleep for a bit and then called the RE's office after 7:00 and asked if I could come in at 9:00 instead. I figured with the ice they'd have a lot of cancellations and I was right so they were able to fit me right in. I wasn't too worried about getting there since it's only a mile away.

Before I left the house the phone rang and it was my manager calling to say our office had no power due to a blown transformer so no one was to report to work today. Yippee! She told me to get back to work on my other project - going back to bed and making a baby with my husband. LOL. My boss and I are very friendly. I guess it could get weird sometimes but so far it's worked for us. I've been working for her since August 2004, first at another company and then she switched in 2007 and a year later offered me a position at her new company and I've been there since 2008. So I know her pretty well. She knows we want a baby and knows a little bit about my PCOS but I haven't told her we've been doing treatments. We haven't told ANYONE IRL (only my Internet buddies know as I can talk with some modicum of privacy). People know I want a baby and know I have PCOS (although that's not even that many people) but they don't know that we are currently seeing a doctor or that I took Femara.

So I was excited to have an unexpected and "free" day off work. We left for the RE's office right after that and oh, my God, our sidewalk and driveway were a sheet of ice. I walked like an old grandma to the car taking little baby steps. Driving was easier than walking though. I guess the roads were treated. We got to the clinic and I had blood work done. And then I went back to see the doctor in one of the ultrasound rooms. He said I had a "lovely uterus." Aww, how sweet! I left there though without a prescription and Dr. Wonderful said he'd go over my file with Dr. Cool and I'd hear back this afternoon. I was also surprised as he asked how we were handling the emotional aspects of last cycle. I told him the whole month sucked for me and explained about the accident and my vehicle being totaled and my neck hurting and said that in a way I really hadn't had much time to dwell on it! He was very sympathetic. The nurse called just a bit ago to say they were calling in 5 mg of Femara for me. I'm so scared it won't work and really wish they'd given me 7.5. We only have money for four cycles (@ $900 each) set aside in the flexible spending account for 2011. I've already "wasted" $900 on a cycle where I don't even ovulate. I cannot afford not to ovulate again.

Yesterday cold turkey I decided I wasn't going to eat sugar this cycle (well, from that point forward which was day 3). I ate no sugar yesterday. Today I had a little but I'm not having any more! I know how bad the refined carbohydrates are for PCOS. Unfortunately, they seem to be in so many food items and also the things I want to grab when I have a craving or am in a hurry, etc. I'm curious to see if it will make a difference starting this late in the game.

I also started physical therapy yesterday for my neck. I went to the same physical therapy location I went to last year after I had shoulder and bicep surgery in January 2010. As soon as I got there I saw the woman that worked with me last year. She, the therapist, is a few years younger than I am and we got married a few months apart so when I was there last time we were both talking about our weddings and all. I mentioned how we had a medium sized wedding but kept it affordable so that when we got home from our honeymoon we had already paid it off. She laughed and told me how she put her whole wedding on credit cards and at one point she told me how she and her husband go out to eat all the time and pay for it with her student loans. (At that point she was still a physical therapy student but was about to graduate.) I remember thinking how irresponsible that was, not that I'm better than she is - but with a kind of, "Wow, how do people just not care? I'd be freaking out!" attitude about it. So I go back yesterday and she is assigned to my case, as she is now employed there and no longer a student. I thought she looked like she had a bit of a belly on her and I thought, "No, it can't be." So we were chatting and I asked her how she was doing and she said, "Pregnant!" I think I controlled my facial expression very well but I have to admit the green-eyed monster of jealousy wanted to come out. She told me she is due in late spring with a girl. I politely said congratulations but it was so hard to get through the session. It's so hard to explain how I feel but mostly I just felt jealous and as if life is just so unfair! How could someone so irresponsible get a baby and I don't? I know...I know it doesn't work that way. But for yesterday I just needed to be sad. As soon as I walked out, I started crying. And then I got home and told my hubby and of course, he doesn't get it.

Oh, well, I'd better get off to the pharmacy to pick up my Femara. Please, please, please work! I can't handle another disappointment.

Saturday, January 29, 2011

New car, new cycle.

I found out last Friday (the 21st) my car was totaled for sure and my rental would only be covered through Wednesday the 26th. They only cover the rental for five days after they make an offer for the car because essentially when they decide to total the car, they are making you an offer to buy your car. I decided to keep the rental an extra two days since I did not have time to go car shopping. I could have gone last Saturday but I needed time to think about what I wanted.

Yesterday my check arrived from the insurance company and I took the SUV rental back (sob, I really loved that with its heated seats and four-wheel drive). We had another snow storm this past week and I actually got a day and a half off work out of it. I think it was 16 inches but it took two days to get to that because it was snowing and then raining and then snowing again.

Tuesday night I did go test drive two cars but it was dark and I couldn't decide if I wanted either of them. I wanted to examine them in the daylight. This was at a used car lot, but it's a very nice used car lot. The cars are all just several years old or less and come with a bumper-to-bumper warranty. Wednesday night I found another car on their web site and it was thousands less than a similar one I'd test driven the night before. So I went and test drove it today...and I bought it! It's not quite ready yet as they just got it in and they haven't had a chance to detail it yet. So they gave me a loaner vehicle until my car is ready. Whew! My own wheels!

The great news is that I was able to put almost 50% of the payment down and my new car payment will be even less than my current car payment was. I got a great interest rate (less than 4%). My insurance will go up of course since it's a newer and more expensive car.

I also started a new cycle today so I need to call the doctor's office first thing Monday morning. They want to see me on day 3 I believe and Monday will be day 3. I am not sure how this will work out. Today has been very "light" so perhaps tomorrow will be the real day 1. We'll see.

I am such a mix of emotions today - sad I will never see my car again, excited about my new car, scared even a higher dose of Femara won't work, etc.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Another sad day.

I promise I'm going to post some happy stuff soon. As soon as something happy happens that is. But right now I just want to be sad.

The weather forecast last night was snow followed by an ice storm. Fun! I had an 8:00 RE appointment. God bless my hubby. He has come to all my RE appointments with me. So early today hubby was out there cracking up the ice on my rental (an SUV). It was a mess. Our sidewalk was a sheet of ice, our doors and windows on the house were covered in ice, and the SUV was covered in ice.

As sad as I am about the accident, it was a stroke of luck that I was able to have an SUV during this time. I made it to my appointment although it was late and my doctor called my follicle "the most watched follicle in all of history." I couldn't even crack a smile. I'm just not feeling too happy these days!

So I had no hopes that my follicle grew and it did not. Dr. Wonderful told me the head doctor (Dr. Cool) would review my blood work and decide but he imagined that they'd probably end this cycle with Provera.

So my nurse called at 2:26 to say there was no point in proceeding and they wanted to end this cycle and so they called in Provera for me and I have to take it for 7 days starting today. Next time they will give me a higher dose of Femara.

Hubby said we can't have an anniversary baby now, but we can aim for an 11/11/11 baby. He seemed as bummed as I did and was trying to comfort me.

Then at 2:28 the body shop called to say I have over $8000 worth of damage to my car so my insurance company has to decide if they want him to move forward with the repairs. I have mixed feelings over what I want. Part of me wants my car repaired so I can pay it off next year as planned. And the other part of me finds the idea of going car shopping exciting but I know I'll be worse off financially. What I really want is for the accident never to have happened but I know that's impossible. :o

The ironic thing is I bought a larger car because I figured I'd have kids before it was paid off. So all this time I was driving around in more car than I needed and it might be totaled before I ever get to see those two lines on a HPT. We make plans and God laughs!

Friday, January 14, 2011

One more chance.

I am so sore today but other than that, I'm feeling OK.

I went in for an ultrasound and bloodwork today and my largest follicle was still at 12 mm. Darn it. The doctor talked about starting me on Provera and then a larger dose of Femara but he wanted to wait for my blood work results. Well, I just got the call about that. My estrogen was at 50, progestone was <0.2, and LH was 14. So estrogen is a little lower, progesterone is a little lower, but LH rose by 5. He wants to see me back on Tuesday, which is 4 days. I guess the follicle is getting one more chance! I think I read LH should be about 20 or more for ovulation. I'm getting closer anyway...

Thursday, January 13, 2011

What a shitty day!

Pardon my French, but really, what a shitty day!

First I took my temperature today and it was lower than the past few days but I was still curious to see if it would make crosshairs on FF. But I did not take the time to put my temp in the morning.

I left for work and I was actually early - EARLY! I'm rarely early, not very often on time, and usually late. So I was quite pleased with myself. The sun was shining very brightly and I kept thinking I wished I had my sunglasses. I guess it was shining off all the snow that was still everywhere from the day before.

I was driving along in the left lane. I'm always in the right lane but for whatever reason I was in the left lane today. I noticed a bunch of cars in front of me slowing and one even went into the middle turning lane. I thought someone braked suddenly because they missed a turn and everyone braked in response but then I saw a school bus going the opposite way and it had its stop sign out. And that quickly I was able to stop but the two cars behind me weren't. WHAM! My car got hit and I flew forward. The air bags did not go off but I knew my car was going to have some bad damage. I got out of the car and the sun was so bright I could barely see but noticed a green SUV behind me and blue car behind that. The woman from the SUV said, "Well, you were able to stop but apparently we couldn't." I told her we needed to get a police report so she called the police and they came fairly quickly but before they did, the two other drivers were exchanging information. I was shaking so badly I could hardly write and I kept getting all teary-eyed. All I got was her name, phone number, plate number, make and model. She gave the other guy her insurance which really made no sense since I'm the one she hit. Then the police officer arrived, had us all move into the middle, and asked us to stay in our vehicles. So I never got to get the information from her. Ugh. Before the police officer even got there I called my friend/coworker and she came and called my husband and told him to wake up and get ready. And then shortly before the police officer got there my boss showed up and pulled over. She was just driving by and happened to see me there. I burst into tears when I saw her.

The cop asked us all if we were hurt and I didn't answer. I was in shock. After we all sat in our cars I realized how sore I felt so when he came back I told him that I was feeling sore and he told me that he asked if I was injured and I said no. I never said no! I never answered. I was a little upset about that. But my friend took me to the ER and I got checked out and just got diagnosed with whiplash. They gave me a muscle relaxer. My hubby asked the nurse if it was safe to take while trying to conceive and she said, "Oh, sure, it'll make you nice and relaxed!"

Before we went to the ER though, we swung by to get my hubby and I called my agent and reported the claim.

So after I left the hospital, I took my car to the collision center, picked up a rental, and filled the script. I guess I like to keep busy. As the day wore on I realized my ankle was hurting and across the back of my shoulders was sore.

I finally got to log in my temp to FF and it gave me crosshairs for day 10! I know that can't be right! I was monitored on days 12 & 13 and I think my RE would have noticed if I had already ovulated. So I really want those crosshairs to disappear.

Tomorrow I have day 17 bloodwork and ultrasound. Twelve hours away!

What a day.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

I'm so confused.

Good lord, I am so confused.

I had my bloodwork and ultrasound on Monday and was told my follicle needed a few more days to mature. I did not bother testing with an OPK because I figured it wouldn't be positive yet anyway.

I wound up leaving work early on Monday because I felt so sick. I went to my family doctor and she told me to get lots of rest and lots of fluids. I woke up several times during the night the last one sometime around 3:30. At 6:45 I woke up and took my temperature and it was pretty high. The same thing happened again this morning. I woke up around 3:00 or so and then fell back and took my temp at the normal 6:45. And it was .03 higher than yesterday. So I've worked with Fertility Friend long enough that if I put in another temp like that tomorrow it will surely tell me I already ovulated.


This is odd because normally I'm begging my thermometer to go up, up, up. But this time it would just be awful for several reasons:
1. There is no way we would have caught the egg. I was sick since Sunday and just lying on the couch most of the time (except for the few hours I went to work on Monday). Needless to say I wasn't doing any babymaking.
2. I never did the Ovidrel shot.
3. The follicle was not mature on Monday when he looked at it with ultrasound.
4. It would mean I spent $900 on a waste of a cycle. All the monitoring, blood work, and ultrasounds would mean nothing.
5. It would mean I'd lose total faith in my body because how could it ovulate before the follicle was ready and the LH was only at 9 (when from everything I read needs to be at 20 before I ovulate) and the estrogen was at 53 (and yeah, I don't know what that means really but thought it should be in the hundreds).
6. And last but not least, it would mean I'd lose faith in my Dr. Wonderful! He said the follicle needed a few more days to mature and I put all my faith and all my money in that.

So please, Mr. Thermometer, go DOWN tomorrow and let me think those two high temps were a friggin' fluke due to my being sick and not sleeping well. PLEASE!! I know I'm confusing you - every other cycle I say up, up, up, but now please go down tomorrow and Friday until we see what Dr. Wonderful says!

I'm really sorry I didn't do OPKs in the meanwhile. But I doubt they'd have been accurate anyway. I was trying to drink lots of fluids for my sickness and stay hydrated and I doubt I would have been able to refrain from using the bathroom for 3 or 4 hours as most of the OPKs instruct. But I really wish I knew. I did one today and it was dark but not dark enough to be positive. That could mean two things: 1) I'm getting ready for my LH surge or 2) my surge is on its downside and still dark. So basically it tells me nothing.

Oh, and my doctor's office called. No strep throat, which I figured.

Well, I'd better get to bed. I'm hoping for a solid 7 hours and no interruptions and a nice low temp. Adios.

Monday, January 10, 2011

What a difference!

What a difference a day makes! First of all I realized I made a mistake yesterday. Estrogen level was 27 not 24. I know that doesn't make a huge difference but I just want to be accurate. I'll have to go back and edit yesterday's post.

So today I went in at 8:15 (my hubby came with me again, love him!) and I got Dr. Wonderful this time, yep, MY Dr. Wonderful! He was much more talkative than the others and explained more. He showed me that I have one 11x12 follicle on my left ovary and he wants to give it a few more days. Then they called with my hormone levels and my estrogen is 53 (almost doubled - yay!), progesterone is 0.2 and LH is 9. So I'm feeling much better in that regard. I'm going back on Friday at 8:00 a.m.

On the other hand, I finally had to go to my family doctor today. My coworkers kind of made me. I went to work with hardly any voice and a horrible cough. She took a throat culture but doesn't think I have strep and I didn't either. So if I do she'll give me antibiotics but if not, I guess it's just a nasty cold and I'll get through it with rest and fluids. I worked 9-2 today (normally work 8:30-5). I was late due to my blood work and ultrasound. And then everyone kept telling me to go home. I was tired so I did not argue.

I love my family doctor. She is so down-to-earth, cool, and funny. I told her, "Go figure, the month we finally start infertility treatment I am sick. I took Femara this month." She said, "Oh, Femara, that will make you so bitchy which in turn makes sex interesting." I laughed and told her we were having an IUI so I didn't have to worry about sex. (It's not that I don't like sex, I do! I love it! It's just that worrying about timing it correctly can make it stressful. The IUI takes some of the pressure off.)

Sunday, January 9, 2011

Oy vey! What a morning!

I just wanted to say 'oy vey.' I love it!

My day 12 ultrasound and blood work were scheduled for today at 8:30 a.m. I am so not a morning person. And my RE's office that is a mile away is not open on Sunday so I had to travel a half hour on highways to get to the one that is open on Sundays (and every other day of the year). But I am willing to do all this and am not complaining. We had company last night and they didn't leave until after 11:00. I went to bed shortly after and set my alarm for 6:45. I never heard it ring. And I woke up at 8:00 on the dot!! I yelled to my husband, "We overslept!" and we had a Home Alone moment where we're running around and colliding with each other. In my haste I totally forgot to take my temperature and now I'll have to stare at that "hole" on my chart. Hee hee. It would have been a white circle anyway since I woke so much later than normal. We somehow managed to get out of the house by about 8:10. Thank God we took showers last evening. Normally I'm a morning shower type person but we had to be up early yesterday for something so I got my shower Friday evening rather than yesterday morning and then last evening which saved me this morning!

So we were only about 10 minutes late and no one even seemed to notice. There were at least five other couples there which was amazing to me. It was kind of a "wow" moment for me - seeing all these other couples having all these other couples waking up early and doing the same thing I was doing. My husband and I are not the only ones who had to get up early, drive far, and have an ultrasound and blood work in our quests to have children. (Well, he only had to do the waking and driving parts of the equation.)

So the nurse came and got me and drew my blood and then put me in an ultrasound room. My lining was "still thin" and my right ovary had only small follicles and my left had some larger ones (I forgot to ask if one of them was the cyst from last time) but they were not mature enough. So the doctor (Dr. Crunchy this time) told me that they'd call once they got my blood work results. I call her Dr. Crunchy because my hubby said, "She looks crunchy." A few weeks ago he did not even know what crunchy was. Now he's using it to describe people. It works for me as I don't want to name my doctors with their real names. :)

I am still feeling pretty awful as far as this sickness and exhaustion go. My hubby and I went out to breakfast after that and I was so exhausted I came home and went right to sleep again. I kept my phone with me because I knew they'd be calling sometime around noon.

So the same nurse I spoke to last week for my blood work results called and it was the weirdest call of my life. First the nurse told me my hormones were "nice and low." And then she said the doctor wants me to start letrozole and they want me to come in and sign the paperwork for letrozole. I had just woken up from a nap so I was already confused but then I was REALLY confused because I just took the letrozole! So I said, "He wants me to do Femara again?" And she says, "Yes." And I said, "Because I just took it last week." And then she says, "Oh, I'm having a senior moment!" And then she explained that my estrogen was 27 and they want me to come in again tomorrow for another ultrasound and blood work to see if the follies grew. But now because she made a mistake like that I feel like I don't trust anything else she said.

I'm so frustrated because I just don't understand. Is it bad? Is it good that my estrogen went from 39 to 27 in 10 days? I don't even know. She asked me to come in again tomorrow at 8:15 to see if my follies had matured anymore. I have to do blood work and another ultrasound. I guess I'll start getting used to being naked from the waist down. ;)

I tried to call back to ask some more questions once I was a bit more awake but the call went right to their "closed" greeting.

I'm supposed to be in work at 8:30 so I also have to get in touch with my director to let her know I'll be late. I actually feel so crappy I should probably just call out sick. :(

So that's all for now. I have five loads of laundry to do...and Christmas decorations to put away. I really just want to go to sleep and wake up when it's spring!

Saturday, January 8, 2011


All week I was exhausted and didn't know if was due to being my first full week at work in a month. But that didn't make sense since I was tired since Monday. And then I thought it was the Femara but the exhaustion lasted days after the Femara. Thursday night I started feeling odd. It's hard to explain but my throat felt irritated, not sore but irritated and tickled and it was causing a slight cough. Then all day Friday I was super exhausted and it felt like there was a lump in my throat. Today I woke up and felt like I could barely breathe and the lump in my throat was still there. Today was the first day my throat felt sore.

I told a few people and they all say it sounds like strep. I had no idea. I knew it didn't feel like a cold (no head or chest congestion) or the flu (no body aches, etc.).

And the crazy thing is the last three days my temperatures have been higher (not fever high) but just higher that they should be before ovulation. Now it's maybe making sense - the three days I was sick were the three days my temperature was a good half degree higher than it should have been. I don't think I have a fever maybe it was just higher because I was fighting this off.

Oh, well, whatever I have, I hope it's gone soon. In 11 hours I'll be getting my ultrasound and blood work. I hope it brings good things!

Thursday, January 6, 2011

I'm exhausted.

I have no idea if this is a side effect of the Femara or just my getting used to working a full week again (first one in awhile). I'm so tired. Tonight and the two nights before I was falling asleep on the couch. I listen to my Circle+Bloom before bed and the last two nights I fell asleep while it was playing.

So I'm not sure what it's from - but it's forcing me to get to bed long before midnight so it's not a bad thing.

I took my last Femara yesterday so I assume if this is a side effect it'll be gone soon.

I got to hear another BFP announcement tonight and to hear that my husband's best friend is having a girl (yes, I'm a tiny bit jealous).

I called my RE's office today and had them call in my Ovidrel to Freedom Fertility Pharmacy. I was worried I wouldn't get the prescription until Sunday and have to pay a boatload of money for it. So then the woman from Freedom called me and she told me it would ship tomorrow so I'll have it on Saturday. Once I'm holding that in my hand I think it'll really start to hit home that we're actually doing this! And going for an ultrasound and bloodwork early on Sunday morning might drive it home further. I really don't allow myself to think about it much - what we're actually doing - and what could actually result. I guess that sounds kind of nuts but I think it's a protective measure to keep me from getting my hopes up.

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

No side effects?

Today is my fourth day of Femara and I can't really say I've had any side effects. I keep looking for them. I don't want to search too hard and "find" something that doesn't exist, or exists but has no correlation with the Femara. I've been VERY tired this week but I strongly suspect that is due to adjusting to working a full week again. I got to sleep a lot on these long weekends and now I'm back to work and getting only 5 or 6 hours a night. Also, my husband told me yesterday I was acting "menopausal" (what the heck does that mean?) but I was stressed, tired, and running late, and nothing was going well, so I think really it was just normal behavior. I'm not sure what that says about me, but there you have it!

So maybe I'm one of those lucky ones that doesn't get side effects. I hope that doesn't mean this won't work in producing a nice eggie but I'm really trying to keep my mind busy and not think about it so much. I'm listening to my Circle+Bloom and that really helps me to relax.

I screwed up dinner tonight so hubby is taking me to PF Chang's. :) Maybe I should screw up more often...

Sunday, January 2, 2011

A plug for some new PCOS support sites as SoulCysters is no longer loading

I should have done this weeks ago but I guess I've been in an "It's all about me" mood. I hate when I get like that. So I'm putting this out there for anyone who reads my blog and used to love SoulCysters and doesn't know what happened.

Basically SoulCysters is down and I have no idea if/when it will ever be back up but in the meanwhile two other "cysters" have created sites - United Cysters and Cyster World. If you're not on them, please register! You'll find a lot of your old pals on there.