Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Will 5 mg of Femara do the trick? Fingers are crossed!

I'm on day 4 of my second cycle with the RE. I had an 8:00 appointment today for baseline ultrasound and blood work. We were expecting some really icy weather conditions today. I woke up around 6:30 and called the inclement weather line for my work and heard we were opening at 10:00, which told me it must be pretty bad outside. So I went back to sleep for a bit and then called the RE's office after 7:00 and asked if I could come in at 9:00 instead. I figured with the ice they'd have a lot of cancellations and I was right so they were able to fit me right in. I wasn't too worried about getting there since it's only a mile away.

Before I left the house the phone rang and it was my manager calling to say our office had no power due to a blown transformer so no one was to report to work today. Yippee! She told me to get back to work on my other project - going back to bed and making a baby with my husband. LOL. My boss and I are very friendly. I guess it could get weird sometimes but so far it's worked for us. I've been working for her since August 2004, first at another company and then she switched in 2007 and a year later offered me a position at her new company and I've been there since 2008. So I know her pretty well. She knows we want a baby and knows a little bit about my PCOS but I haven't told her we've been doing treatments. We haven't told ANYONE IRL (only my Internet buddies know as I can talk with some modicum of privacy). People know I want a baby and know I have PCOS (although that's not even that many people) but they don't know that we are currently seeing a doctor or that I took Femara.

So I was excited to have an unexpected and "free" day off work. We left for the RE's office right after that and oh, my God, our sidewalk and driveway were a sheet of ice. I walked like an old grandma to the car taking little baby steps. Driving was easier than walking though. I guess the roads were treated. We got to the clinic and I had blood work done. And then I went back to see the doctor in one of the ultrasound rooms. He said I had a "lovely uterus." Aww, how sweet! I left there though without a prescription and Dr. Wonderful said he'd go over my file with Dr. Cool and I'd hear back this afternoon. I was also surprised as he asked how we were handling the emotional aspects of last cycle. I told him the whole month sucked for me and explained about the accident and my vehicle being totaled and my neck hurting and said that in a way I really hadn't had much time to dwell on it! He was very sympathetic. The nurse called just a bit ago to say they were calling in 5 mg of Femara for me. I'm so scared it won't work and really wish they'd given me 7.5. We only have money for four cycles (@ $900 each) set aside in the flexible spending account for 2011. I've already "wasted" $900 on a cycle where I don't even ovulate. I cannot afford not to ovulate again.

Yesterday cold turkey I decided I wasn't going to eat sugar this cycle (well, from that point forward which was day 3). I ate no sugar yesterday. Today I had a little but I'm not having any more! I know how bad the refined carbohydrates are for PCOS. Unfortunately, they seem to be in so many food items and also the things I want to grab when I have a craving or am in a hurry, etc. I'm curious to see if it will make a difference starting this late in the game.

I also started physical therapy yesterday for my neck. I went to the same physical therapy location I went to last year after I had shoulder and bicep surgery in January 2010. As soon as I got there I saw the woman that worked with me last year. She, the therapist, is a few years younger than I am and we got married a few months apart so when I was there last time we were both talking about our weddings and all. I mentioned how we had a medium sized wedding but kept it affordable so that when we got home from our honeymoon we had already paid it off. She laughed and told me how she put her whole wedding on credit cards and at one point she told me how she and her husband go out to eat all the time and pay for it with her student loans. (At that point she was still a physical therapy student but was about to graduate.) I remember thinking how irresponsible that was, not that I'm better than she is - but with a kind of, "Wow, how do people just not care? I'd be freaking out!" attitude about it. So I go back yesterday and she is assigned to my case, as she is now employed there and no longer a student. I thought she looked like she had a bit of a belly on her and I thought, "No, it can't be." So we were chatting and I asked her how she was doing and she said, "Pregnant!" I think I controlled my facial expression very well but I have to admit the green-eyed monster of jealousy wanted to come out. She told me she is due in late spring with a girl. I politely said congratulations but it was so hard to get through the session. It's so hard to explain how I feel but mostly I just felt jealous and as if life is just so unfair! How could someone so irresponsible get a baby and I don't? I know...I know it doesn't work that way. But for yesterday I just needed to be sad. As soon as I walked out, I started crying. And then I got home and told my hubby and of course, he doesn't get it.

Oh, well, I'd better get off to the pharmacy to pick up my Femara. Please, please, please work! I can't handle another disappointment.

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