I'm feeling pretty down today. I'm mostly annoyed at my ovaries for not working correctly. I really had it in my head that I was in some sort of lame pattern, ovulating every other cycle and on day 31. It is now day 30 and all my OPKs up until now have been negative. I'm ready to forget my stupid list and not walk, but RUN, to the RE for Clomid or Femara. My patience is already wearing thin. I'm full of "It's not fair!" thoughts.
I know I have SO MUCH to be thankful for - but honestly, right now I just am having a hard time focusing on it. Thanksgiving was a big letdown this year. I did not get to see my adorable niece and nephews and was only with one sibling (out of six of us). It just felt like something was really lacking on top of all my TTC issues. I kept having visions of being pregnant by the holidays and announcing my big news at this lovely time of year. I'm disgusted, sad, angry, disappointed, and more.
On Wednesday I left a message for a local fertility clinic (not the one I go to) which is doing a clinical study for PCOS women and 3 months' free Medifast food is provided. I'm a little sketchy on the details so I left a message for the nurse coordinator. I hope she calls me back on Monday and if it works out maybe I can focus on losing some weight. I'm really grasping at straws here by going on some commercial weight loss program. I know they only temporarily work for me and then I regain all the weight I lost and more but I feel pretty stuck right now.
I know exactly how you feel. I could have written every word - I probably already have! I went through 2 holiday seasons asking what I had to be Thankful for? I had to dig deep and count my other blessings. Take it easy and know it will happen.
ReplyDeleteThanks, A! It's good to knows others understand. :)
ReplyDeleteI know it gets old hearing "take Clomid" but I would consider just Clomid for a couple cycles before all the money on an IUI. See how it works. I was worried about money too but realized I was spending more on natural herbals than I would on Clomid. 5- 50mg pills cost $17. Thats for generic, it was under cost for insurance coverage and still only $17. I was spending around $60 on natural herbs and looking into more for acupuncture. I think its important for you to be ready for that step. But if its a cost thing the comparison might be surprising. Good Luck!
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