Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Words failed me.

So on Sunday my husband and I went to visit my cousin and his wife. They have 16-year-old twins and my cousin himself is a twin. My uncle and his wife, my aunt, also live with them. We're sitting around the table and my aunt says, "So are you two having any kids?" (Never mind she asked me this question last year around the holidays and I told her then that we were seeing what happened.) I answer this time, "We want them," and she makes a face and says, "You're crazy." Then my husband says, "Well, I really want to have a job first." And I'm thinking, "Wait, he does know we're trying right?" I mean, I really couldn't tell if he was just saying anything to throw her off, or if he really thinks we're waiting til he has a job. So then my aunt tells me how when she found out she was having twins she was so upset, and then when she found out she was pregnant not long after (with her daughter) she would have crossed the line if there was a line back then to cross. She said that's how upset she was that she was pregnant. Her son (one of the twins) basically said if you play, you pay, and he laughed about it. I was pretty stunned though. I couldn't say anything. I wanted to say, "It's funny how easy it is for some," but I really couldn't speak. Here she is alluding to the fact that she would have gotten an abortion if she could have right in front of one of her children. It was very odd to me. Once again I'm struck by how crazy the world is, how wildly unfair that there is such a thing as unwanted children for some and how others like me are aching for a baby and struggling to conceive. Crazy. But it's late, and I'm tired, and that's all I have for now but needed to share while it was on my mind.

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