The agonizing wait to ovulation

I have really long cycles and the wait between the end of AF and O is agonizing. It takes weeks and I never know when it is going to happen.

I bought a Fertile-Focus ovulation microscope and that is just getting me discouraged. It does not show ovulation. And I'm using ovulation prediction kits and they are showing that I'm not close to ovulation either. If I go by my last cycle I should be ready to O in 2 days. Now I've got fertile quality cervical fluid but no other signs to match up to it.

It can be that I will get a + OPK this weekend. I'm keeping my fingers crossed!

Oh, yeah, and I did use the Pre-seed once. But since I've gotten EWCM I really haven't needed to keep using it. I liked how it felt. No clue if it helps or not.

So I'll post more later but right now I am definitely feeling that the wait to O is more agonizing than the wait to POAS. :(

Fertile-Focus

Another TTC product that I ordered came in the mail today. This time it is the Fertile-Focus ovulation microscope. It's a saliva test that shows "ferning" at fertile times. I think I bought it more out of curiosity than anything but I'm sure it will prove useful. I have been charting my temps but I'm not doing so well with the CM (or the cervix position either) so it'll be good to have a back-up method to confirm when ovulation is getting close. I love temping but that only shows when I've ovulated...no warning beforehand.

So I'm going to use that starting tomorrow. I'm on my way to becoming completely obsessed. I'll post more later on the ovulation microscope.

My Reading from Cheri22

Here is my baby reading from Cheri22, a baby psychic:

"They show you having two girls and the first one will have a connection to SEPTEMBER so this is either birth month, conceive month or the month you find out in.

When it comes to your daughter, they show her as someone who has her hair usually really long, tends to have some sort of a curl to it and I am seeing her usually pulling it back into a braid or a pony tail of some sort. Always trying to pull it away from her face and trying to prevent it from getting tangled and she really does not like spending tons of time on it and making it look nice. She would rather do it and then get on with her day.

Shes always really friendly but you are going to see her as being someone who just wants the truth. She wants to make sure that everything that she does is good and that people are honest with her. She can often see through people being false and will often call them on it. Willing to give them a second chance and tell the truth, otherwise is not someone that she wants to be friends with.

Shes always really good with people, always social and happy. I am seeing her as the type to just want to have a good time and is pretty flexible with what she does and who she hangs around. Shes always the one that is a good friend. You can trust her to do the right thing and is always available if it really comes down to it.

I am seeing her having a bit of a sweet tooth and seems to really enjoy having suckers or gum. Something that shes often doing as a way to try and break a habit of wanting to bite her nails.

I am seeing her as someone who is going to be going into a bit of acting with her high school year and is often a natural performer when it comes to live performances. Often able to memorize her lines without much mistakes. Often able to laugh at the times she gets it wrong, but is more determined than ever to deliver the line perfectly.

When it comes to career paths, they show her working in acting, but I am also seeing her volunteering to help the local shelters as well.

When it comes to marriage I am seeing her closer to 22. They will have two boys of their own."

I hope it comes true! I'd love to have two little girls or one of each or two boys...yeah, I just want to be a mommy!

Pre-Seed

I just got back from vacation this week and it was nice to have something to occupy my mind for awhile. Of course now I'm back and the #1 thing on my mind is TTC. Sigh. I don't want to have a one-track mind but it does feel like that is where I am headed.

I bought some Pre-seed today and plan to use it as I get closer to O. I've read mixed reviews on it but I figured it couldn't hurt (at least I hope not). I did not have any EWCM last month so I thought maybe I need a little help in that department.

I have three cousins due to have babies this summer and many other people I know (friends, acquaintances, other relatives, and coworkers) are pregnant or have infants. I want to be happy for them (and for the most part I am) but inside there is this green little monster (jealousy) and I am so resentful and jealous and sad. I just want to cry thinking about when it will be "my turn."

The good news is my husband seems to finally be on board with this. For awhile he kept groaning every time I brought up the subject. But now he seems hopeful right along with me, which is a wonderful surprise!

Well, 2WW wasn't 2W!

Well, my 2WW is over. I am not pregnant. And my 2WW did not last 2 weeks. It's my first month charting so I'm not going to be discouraged, just taking this as opportunity to learn. I can't help but wonder though if the long FP and the short LP is going to be a pattern or if it was a one-time thing. Well, onto Cycle 2 and bigger and better things!

Addicted to POAS

I'm only 8 DPO but that did not stop me from POAS today and getting a BFN! The website I'm using to track my temps tells me not to test until 7/13 so I'm about 11 days earlier. The 2WW is soooo hard!

If I didn't conceive this cycle I'll be due to get my period on the day we leave for vacation. Great! Just what I need when I have to be in the car for 10 hours. I'm going to be in such a lovely mood that day. ;)

So I've decided to blog our TTC journey.

I used to love writing in a journal but as my life got busier and busier I did it less and less frequently. But I really wanted to record my hopes, dreams, thoughts, and just really keep a record of this exciting (and somewhat overwhelming) time in our lives. So since I almost always have access to a computer and an internet connection I decided to get with the 21st century and start blogging.

I'll share a little background first. My husband and I have been married for over a year and a half and will be celebrating our second anniversary this fall.

I have a condition called PCOS which stands for Polycystic Ovary Syndrome. I was diagnosed 9 months after our wedding. I am the type of person who does a lot of research on my own and I had been fairly certain I had PCOS but really need a doctor to diagnose me. I found an RE (reproductive endocrinologist) who diagnosed me with this. He suggested Clomid, a drug which helps induce ovulation, but my husband was out of work and while I really wanted a baby I didn't feel right forcing the issue at that volatile time in our lives so we waited. He has been working again but I still didn't wasn't quite ready to go on Clomid (my heart was really pointing me to giving a year or so to some more natural remedies) so I visited a naturopath in May and she has really been helping me. She started me on two alternatives, Ovablend and Vitex. I also read Toni Weschler's book "Taking Charge of Your Fertility" and I started charting my temperatures and attempting to record my cervical fluid (CF or CM).

Please realize I have nothing against Clomid or any other methods of ART. I feel they are fine and I am not above using them but I really wanted to just take some time to see what my body was doing and what it could achieve before I get all high-tech.

I am currently on my first cycle of charting and I am excited that I ovulated! I had a long LP (luteal phase) and did not ovulate until Day 31 but I feel for having PCOS it's great that I ovulated at all.

PCOS has been quite embarrassing and somewhat traumatic for me. It's basically a hormone disorder and I have almost all of the symptoms it causes: extra weight around the belly that is so hard to lose, facial hair (not too bad but I get a few chin hairs and hairs on my upper lip), thinning scalp hair (no fair we lose hair where we want it and get it in other places!), oily skin and acne, a condition called acanthosis nigricans (dark velvety skin patches), and very irregular periods and anovulatory cycles. Please note these are the symptoms I have and this is not necessarily what other women with PCOS have. The symptoms and combinations of symptoms can vary.

So I've been feeling really ugly from all these PCOS symptoms and then to top it off find that it causes infertility was pretty hard to hear.

So I'm going into this TTC time of my life knowing it might take awhile and just trying to be OK with that and not over-stress and over-analyze everything.

Of course I feel excited that I ovulated and now it's like, "OK, now that I know I ovulated I want to be pregnant. Am I pregnant?" Yes, patience is not a strong virtue of mine...

I'm 7DPO right now and just hoping to keep having high temps!